2. A Deeper Look at Impostor Syndrome

Imposter syndrome in men and women

Welcome back. In Chapter 1, we established that self-doubt is a learned pattern that disguises itself in different ways. Now we're going to dive deep into one of the most common forms, imposter syndrome. Here's a statistic that might surprise you. 84% of executives report feeling imposter syndrome at some point in their careers. So if you've ever felt like a fraud or worried that people will find you out, you're definitely not alone.

What's fascinating is that imposter syndrome shows up differently in men and women, but it's the same underlying doubt with different responses. Men typically withdraw to avoid being exposed. They avoid feedback, they sidestep challenges, and they play it safe. Women, on the other hand, typically overextend to prove they belong. They say yes to everything, they push harder, they chase the next role. And here's the paradox. Women battling imposter syndrome may look like confident high achievers. They're constantly stretching into what's unfamiliar. But that's not an imposter. That's grit.

Let me tell you about two leaders I worked with who illustrate this difference. First, there's Michael, a colleague who I offered a stretch assignment leading a new product launch. His first thought was, I've never done this before. They should find someone more qualified. And instead of expressing interest and asking for support, he politely declined and recommended a colleague. He was protecting himself from potential failure, but he was also limiting his growth.

Then there's Jennifer, another colleague who was in a similar situation. Her first thought was also, I've never done this before. But her response was, I need to prove I can handle this. She said yes, then worked 60-hour weeks trying to master every detail before the project even started. She was successful, but at a huge personal cost. Both were experiencing imposter syndrome, but their responses were completely different. And even Maya Angelou, one of the most celebrated writers of our time, said, I've written 11 books, but each time I think, uh-oh, they're going to find out now. I've run a game on everybody, and they're going to find me out.

Recognizing your own response pattern

If Maya Angelou felt like an imposter sometimes, it's pretty normal that we do too. Now I want you to think about your own response to imposter syndrome. When you feel like you don't belong or aren't qualified enough, do you tend to withdraw and play it safe, avoiding challenges, not speaking up, declining opportunities? Or do you overextend and over-prepare, saying yes to everything, working excessive hours, trying to prove yourself?

Or maybe it's a combination of both, depending on the situation. There's no right or wrong answer, but awareness of your pattern helps you make more conscious choices. So pause here now and write down which pattern you recognize in yourself and think of a recent example. And again, this is available in your workbook. Here is chapter four. You can write down how you respond and a recent example.

Imposter feelings as a sign of growth

And here's what I want you to consider. What if some of what we call imposter syndrome is actually evidence that you're growing? Think about it. You only feel like an imposter when you're doing something new, challenging, or beyond your current comfort zone. If you felt completely confident and prepared for everything, you wouldn't be stretching or learning. So the goal here isn't to eliminate these feelings. It's to recognize them as a sign that you're in growth mode and choose your response consciously. It's about a mindset shift.

So here, for exercise five, I want you to think of a time when you felt like an imposter but pushed through anyway. What was the outcome? What did you learn about yourself? Often when we look back at these experiences, we realize that we're more capable than we thought. Others didn't notice our uncertainty as much as we feared, or that growth came from stretching that was worth the discomfort. So go ahead and pause here and reflect on one such experience from your own career.

Imposter syndrome isn't a bug in your system. It's often a feature that shows you're challenging yourself. The key is recognizing when these feelings arise and choosing responses that serve your growth rather than limit it. In our next chapter, we're going to explore perfectionism, another common mask that self-doubt wears, and one that can actually harm your performance even when it looks like high standards. See you there!