3. A Deeper Look at Perfectionism

What perfectionism really is

Welcome back to chapter 3, a deeper look at perfectionism. We've explored imposter syndrome and how it shows up differently for different people. Now let's tackle another major way self-doubt disguises itself: perfectionism. Here's something that might surprise you. High levels of perfectionism are actually linked to burnout, anxiety, and impaired job performance. So while perfectionism might look like high standards and excellence, it's often rooted in fear and can actually hurt your effectiveness as a leader.

So let's define perfectionism. Perfectionism is a relentless drive to avoid failure, mistakes, or perceived flaws at all costs. You believe anything less than perfect means you're not good enough. This results in chronic anxiety, self-doubt, strained relationships, and a feeling of never quite measuring up. I worked with a colleague who was so hard on herself. She was afraid to ever submit her work to me because of her high standards.

She felt her first drafts or preliminary ideas had to be polished before anyone saw them, which slowed down innovation and made her hesitant to take creative risks. When we dug deeper, we realized her perfectionism wasn't really about quality. It was about her fear of being seen as incompetent. She'd rather spend three extra hours perfecting a presentation than risk someone thinking her first version wasn't good enough.

Three forms of perfectionism

Now there are three common forms of perfectionism. There's self-oriented perfectionism. You set impossibly high standards for yourself and judge yourself harshly for falling short. So this is the I must be perfect version. Then there's other-oriented perfectionism. You expect perfection from others and feel frustrated when they don't deliver. This is the everyone else must be perfect version. Then there's socially prescribed perfectionism. You believe others expect you to be perfect, which leads to people-pleasing, pressure, and fear of judgment. This is the they expect me to be perfect version.

So which type of perfectionism do you recognize in yourself? Think about recent situations. For self-oriented, do you redo work that's already good enough? Do you have trouble delegating because others won't do it right? Or are you more other-oriented? Do you get frustrated when team members don't meet your standards? Do you micromanage to ensure quality? Or maybe socially prescribed: do you spend excessive time preparing because you're worried about others' judgment? Or do you avoid situations where you might not excel? Most people have elements of all three of these, but one is usually dominant. You can pause here and identify your primary perfectionism pattern. And again, this is available in your workbook.

What perfectionism costs leaders

And here's what perfectionism actually costs you as a leader. Decision paralysis. You delay decisions because you're waiting for the perfect information or solution. It can also result in reduced innovation. Your team stops bringing you creative ideas because they're afraid that they're not ready yet. It could result in burnout. You and your team work unsustainable hours trying to achieve impossible standards. And it can also cost you missed opportunities. You don't pursue opportunities unless you're 100% confident you'll succeed.

You can produce great work and be admired by your peers, but perfectionism hurts your career advancement because while you perfect all the details, other employees can take on more visible strategic initiatives. Those who are willing to present good enough work and then iterate based on feedback get more done if you're still perfecting version one. So on one hand, perfectionism can be seen as a strength. It could actually be one of the reasons you're stuck at your current level.

Because here's the trap. Perfectionism promises that if you just work hard enough, prepare enough, get everything right, you'll avoid criticism and failure. But that's simply not how leadership works. In leadership, you're often making decisions without complete information. You're managing ambiguous situations, and you're dealing with people who have different perspectives and different priorities. So perfect solutions rarely exist. The most effective leaders I know are comfortable with good enough solutions that can be improved over time. They'd rather take action and course correct than wait for the perfect plan.

Excellence versus perfectionism

So here I want you to think about a recent situation where perfectionism held you back. Maybe you spent too long perfecting a presentation when the extra time didn't add significant value. Or maybe you avoided volunteering for a project because you weren't sure you could do it perfectly. Or perhaps you delayed launching an initiative while you tried to anticipate every possible problem. But what would have happened if you had moved forward with a good enough version?

Oftentimes we discover that the audience didn't notice the imperfections we were worried about. We learned more from taking action than we would have from more planning, and the feedback we received actually made the final result better than our perfect version would have been. So go ahead and pause here and reflect on one such experience. And again, you can find this as exercise seven, a recent time that perfectionism held you back.

The goal here isn't to lower your standards. It's to separate excellence from perfectionism. Excellence is about doing your best work within reasonable constraints. Perfectionism is about avoiding any possibility of criticism or failure. And as a leader, again, your job isn't to be perfect. It's to make good decisions, learn from mistakes, and help your team do their best work. And that requires courage, not perfection. So while perfectionism might look like a strength, it's often fear in disguise. The most successful leaders know that done is better than perfect, and they're willing to iterate and improve rather than wait for the impossible standard of perfection. In our next chapter, we're going to explore insecure overachievement, when success becomes driven by fear rather than purpose. See you there!