2. The Self-Awareness Gap and Two Types of Awareness

The self-awareness gap and its causes

Welcome back. In Chapter One, we established why self-awareness is crucial for leadership success. Now we're going to dig into why it's so challenging to achieve and introduce you to a framework that will change how you approach your own development. This is Chapter Two, the self-awareness gap and two types of awareness. Here's a statistic that stopped me in my tracks when I first heard it. 95% of people believe they're self-aware, but research shows only 10 to 15% truly are. That is a massive gap.

So what's going on here? First, we have blind spots. We're wired for autopilot, missing how we show up and why. Second, there's the feel-good effect. We see ourselves through a flattering lens to protect our ego. And third, this one hits close to home for many of us: the cult of self. Social media fuels self-absorption, not true self-reflection. For this next exercise, I want you to think about a recent situation where you received feedback that surprised you.

Maybe this was a performance review, or feedback from a colleague or even from a friend or family member. What was your first reaction? Did you immediately defend yourself, get curious, feel hurt? Go ahead and pause the video here and reflect on that pattern. Your reaction to feedback tells you a lot about your self-awareness gaps. And of course, remember, you can go into your workbook for this course and find the exercise that we're going through here, Exercise Two. So go ahead, pause, take time to do it.

Internal versus external self-awareness

But here is where it gets really interesting, and this is knowledge that can transform your leadership. Most people think self-awareness is just one thing, but there are actually two completely different types, and you need to master both to lead with impact. First is internal self-awareness. This is understanding yourself from the inside out. You know your values, passions, and goals. You recognize your strengths, weaknesses, and emotional patterns. You identify triggers and blind spots and reflect on how your choices have shaped your journey.

The outcome is greater life satisfaction and decision-making aligned with your values. And then you have external self-awareness. This is your understanding of how others see you. So you perceive how your words, tone, and actions land. You recognize your emotional impact, understand your reputation, and know how your leadership style is received. The outcome here is that it builds trust, empathy, and influence, leading to stronger relationships and career growth.

A quick self-assessment

So let's take a second here and do a quick self-assessment. On a scale of 1 to 10, how well do you understand your own motivations, values, and emotional patterns? This is internal self-awareness. And how well do you understand how others perceive you and your impact on them? This is external self-awareness. You need to be honest here, because remember that statistic from the beginning. Most people rate themselves higher, and especially in this case, most people rate themselves higher on internal than external self-awareness.

Again, you can go back into your workbook for the next exercise. Write down your two numbers, and feel free to pause the video so you can get some time to think about this. I worked with a VP who was incredibly self-reflective, because both of these matter, internal and external awareness. She knew her values, understood her motivations, and could articulate her strengths and development areas, but she was shocked when her team described her as intimidating and hard to approach.

In this case, she had high internal self-awareness but was missing the external piece. As you're doing this exercise, think about whether you have ever received feedback like this that contradicted what you thought about yourself. The leaders who really excel, the ones people trust, follow, and want to work for, have developed both types of awareness. In our next chapter, we're going to help you identify your specific self-awareness profile so you know exactly where to focus your development efforts. So are you ready to discover your type? See you in the next chapter.