How to Fire Someone (Without Destroying Them or You)

By Andreas Pettersson, Founder, Leaders ADAPT

Every owner who calls me the week they have to fire someone asks the same first question, and it is the wrong one: what do I say? The right question is when you decided. The honest answer is usually months ago, and every week since was spent rehearsing kindness instead of delivering it.

I learned how to fire someone over ten years as a tech CEO, not gracefully at first, and the whole lesson now fits in one line I give every owner I advise: quick, firm, and warm. This page is that line, expanded: the decision, the preparation, the termination script word for word with its phone and not-a-good-fit versions, the legal floor in plain English, and the hours after, so the person walks out with their dignity and you keep yours.

How to fire someone step by step: the decision comes first, and it is usually late

Firing someone is the formal end of an employment relationship at the employer's decision, delivered in a short private conversation that states the decision, the reason, and the logistics, and is not open to negotiation.

The word that matters in that definition is decision. A termination conversation that is really a last negotiation is the cruelest version of this, because it offers a chance that does not exist.

So decide, and be honest that you probably decided a while ago. Relationship-driven leaders know someone has to go three to six months before they act, and argue against themselves the whole way. Every time an owner tells me "I think maybe, I'm on the fence," they are not on the fence. They are on the far side of it, describing the view.

There is a version of waiting that is leadership rather than avoidance, and the difference matters. Firing someone the moment you decide is an emotional reaction. Firing them when the business is ready, on a timeline you chose, is resilience.

I once knew for weeks that I had to let someone go while I was still traveling internationally alongside him, and I waited until we were home and the handover was possible. That was not cowardice. It was a date on a calendar. Cowardice is when the date keeps moving.

If you have not yet had the direct performance conversation, stop and have it: what to do with an underperforming employee covers the gap conversation and the 30-day clock, and for a real skill gap a performance improvement plan may come first. This page starts where those end.

How to prepare to fire someone: one page, one call, one witness

Preparation is boring, and it is the part that protects both of you.

1. The one-sentence reason. Written down, in plain words you would say to the person. "We are ending your employment because the sales target was missed for three consecutive quarters after two documented conversations." If you cannot write the sentence, you are not ready.
2. The record. Dated notes of the conversations, the expectations set, the results. My standing rule for owners who inherit a problem hire: build the written, dated record before any termination conversation, even if it starts late, and send it to whoever made the original hiring decision rather than to the employee. A dated, third-party-copied record reads as management. An undated memory reads as retaliation.
3. The advisor call. I keep an employment consultant on call for exactly this, and I bring them in early, before the problem escalates. An hour of that consultant's time costs a fraction of one month of severance, and a rounding error against a lawsuit. If you have HR, HR does this; if you are a forty-person company with no HR, that call is the best money you spend this quarter.
4. The logistics, in writing. Final pay date, unused vacation if your state or policy pays it out, benefits end date and continuation paperwork, equipment return, access cutoff, the reference policy. Print it and hand it over. The person will not remember what you said; they will read what you gave them.
5. The team plan. Who covers the work tomorrow morning, and what you will say to the team today.

Should HR or a witness be in the room?

Yes for any formal termination, and for any case with a complaint history in either direction. Not for intimidation: for the record, and so the conversation does not become two memories that disagree. Their job is to witness and hold the paperwork, not to speak. If you have no HR, a senior colleague who says nothing fills the seat.

Then the calendar. Early in the week, early in the day, a private room or a private video call, no group meeting the person has to sit through first. Ten minutes blocked, because it should take less.

The termination script: what to say word for word

Here is the shape I coach, and it is under two minutes: state the situation, the complication, the reason, and end it. Anything longer only prolongs the pain for both of you.

Six moves, and they are how to tell someone they are fired without either of you leaving the room ashamed: the decision in the first thirty seconds, the reason in one sentence, the door closed on negotiation, the logistics handed over, one true sentence about the person, and the closing question limited to practicalities.

The fifth move is the one people skip, and it is the one that matters most to me. When I fired an employee years ago who intimidated the team and would not listen, I told him directly why. Two years later he came back to me, saying nobody else had ever dared tell him the truth. He had done three months of hard thinking, worked with a psychologist and an advisor, and landed a role paying nearly double.

If you part not with resentment but with an honest gift of how they can improve, and you truly mean it, you are doing them a favor. That sentence has to be true, though. Do not manufacture it.

The phone or video termination script

When the person is remote, the rules do not change: video on if possible, a witness on the line, the decision in the first sentence, the paperwork emailed the moment the call ends.

That is the whole termination phone script. Never by text, never by email alone, never in a group call. The phone is already a compromise; do not compromise further.

The "not a good fit" termination script

"Not a good fit" is what people say when the real reason is behavioral or cultural and they are afraid to name it. Name it anyway, in specifics, or the person leaves believing something vague and unfixable about themselves.

There is a great job and a great culture and a great company out there for them. It just does not happen to be yours. That line is true more often than managers believe, and it is the honest form of firing someone nicely.

How to fire someone for poor performance (versus not a good fit)

Poor performance is the easiest reason to state and the one most often stated badly, because the manager relitigates the record in the room. Not a good fit is the other common reason, covered above; do not swap one for the other.

If the person says "but I improved," you say: "You did in some areas, and I said so at the time. The standard was not met. That is the decision." Then the paperwork.

How to fire someone nicely, without softening the decision

Nicely does not mean gently. How to fire someone professionally and how to fire someone nicely are the same question: without cruelty, without surprise, and without wasting their time.

Not a surprise: if the termination is the first time the person hears that something is wrong, the failure is yours and it happened months ago. The method for the conversations before this one is in the difficult conversations with employees guide, and the scripts are on the examples page.

Without cruelty: no public setting, no marched-out-by-security theater unless there is a genuine risk, no ambush at the end of a day they spent working hard for you.

Without wasting their time: two minutes, not twenty. The person wants it to be over. Every extra minute of your explanation is a minute they spend in the worst moment of their year, watching you manage your own guilt.

Warm, in this conversation, is the tone and the one true sentence. Firm is everything else.

What not to say or do when firing someone

• Do not open with small talk. They will replay it for weeks.
• Do not say "this is hard for me." It is harder for them.
• Do not apologize for the decision. You can regret the outcome; you do not apologize for a decision you stand behind, because the apology invites the negotiation.
• Do not list every failing. One sentence of reason. The record is for the file, not the room.
• Do not say "we've decided to go in a different direction" when the reason is performance. Vagueness is not kindness; it is a story they will fill in with something worse.
• Do not promise a reference you will not give, or a severance you have not confirmed.
• Do not let it run. If the person wants to argue, the answer is: "I understand you see it differently. The decision is final. Let's make sure you have everything you need."
• Do not fire on a Friday afternoon by default. Early in the week gives the person business days to make calls, and gives you the week to steady the team.

And one specific to founders: do not tell the team a story about the person. Tell them the decision, the plan for the work, and that you are available. The team already knows most of the story, and any embellishment becomes the thing they remember you for.

How to fire someone legally in the US: at-will, protected reasons, documentation

This is not legal advice, and I am not a lawyer. It is the floor every owner should know, from public sources you can read yourself, before the call with the advisor who knows your state.

At-will is the default, with exceptions. The National Conference of State Legislatures describes at-will employment as the presumption in every US state except Montana: an employer can end employment at any time, for any reason except an illegal one, or for no reason. NCSL also lists the common exceptions courts recognize: a public policy exception (firing someone for refusing to break the law, reporting a violation, or exercising a legal right), an implied contract exception (a handbook or a manager's statements that promised job security), and, in a minority of states, an implied covenant of good faith. Montana requires good cause for termination under its own statute.

Illegal reasons are illegal regardless of at-will. The EEOC's retaliation page states that the EEO laws prohibit punishing employees for asserting their rights to be free from employment discrimination, which it calls protected activity: filing or being a witness in a complaint, talking to a manager about discrimination or harassment, refusing to follow an order that would be discriminatory, and similar acts. A termination that follows closely after protected activity will be examined for that reason. Terminations based on race, sex, age, disability, religion, national origin and the other protected characteristics are covered by the same laws.

Severance is not required by federal law. The US Department of Labor states that there is no requirement in the Fair Labor Standards Act for severance pay; it is a matter of agreement between employer and employee. If your handbook or the person's contract promises it, that agreement governs.

Final pay timing is a state matter. The Department of Labor also states that federal law does not require the final paycheck immediately, while some states do. Ask your advisor which rule applies to you before the meeting, and put the date in the paperwork.

What this means in practice: the record you built in the preparation step is the legal work. A dated sequence of expectations, conversations and results is what turns "we fired her for performance" from an assertion into a fact.

I have been named personally in claims in prior businesses. Each time the claim moved quickly to the company's insurance, and the record did the rest. It is a routine cost of employing people, not a reason to keep someone who should not be there.

How to fire someone for the first time

Most first-time managers make the same three mistakes: they wait too long, they talk too long, and they try to be liked in the room.

Fix the first with a date. Fix the second with the script above, read aloud twice the night before. Fix the third by accepting, before you walk in, that the person will not thank you today; some will years later, and you are not doing it for the thanks.

Bring the witness, have the advisor's number, write the one sentence. Then remember what I tell every owner about hiring: you are not hiring for life. Hire slow, fire fast, and the fast part is a kindness once the decision is honest.

What happens after the conversation: final pay, access, the team announcement

The conversation is two minutes. The afternoon is where the reputation gets made.

• Access and equipment. Cut off at the agreed time, not while they are still reading the paperwork. Let them collect personal things with dignity, or ship them if they prefer not to come back.
• Final pay and benefits. On the date in the paperwork, exactly. A late final check is the single easiest way to turn a clean exit into a complaint.
• The team, the same day. Short, factual, no story about the person: the decision, who covers what starting tomorrow, and that you are available. If the person was a toxic presence, the strongest people on the team will thank you within a week. Do not announce a culture reset in the same breath, though. Remove first, lead the change yourself, then hire the person who carries it forward.
• Clients and partners. A one-line note from you with the new contact, before they hear it elsewhere.
• The reference. Decide the policy in advance and say it in the meeting. Dates and title only is a legitimate policy; a warm reference offered in the room and then withheld is not.
• Your own review. A week later, write down when you should have decided. Almost every answer is "earlier." My piece on the necessity of firing properly is that review in long form, and the ADAPT framework for letting a leader go covers the senior version, where the eulogy has to be written before the funeral.

How to fire someone FAQ

What should you say when firing someone?

State the decision in the first sentence ("As of today, we are ending your employment"), give the reason in one sentence, say that the decision is final, and hand over the practical details in writing: final pay, benefits, equipment and access. Add one true statement about the person's strengths if you can say it honestly, then keep the rest of the meeting to logistics. The whole conversation should take two to five minutes.

How do you fire someone nicely?

Fire someone nicely by making sure the decision is not a surprise, delivering it privately and early in the week, stating it plainly in the first sentence, keeping the conversation short, and handling the practical side, final pay, benefits and a reference policy, exactly as promised. Softening the decision, apologizing for it, or letting the meeting run long is not kindness; it prolongs the worst moment of the person's year.

How do you fire someone for poor performance?

Set the standard in writing first, hold documented conversations about the gap, and where appropriate run a performance improvement plan with a deadline. When the standard is still not met, state the decision, cite the standard and the dates it was reviewed in one sentence, and refuse to relitigate individual reviews in the room. The dated record of expectations and results is what makes a performance termination defensible.

Can you fire someone over the phone?

Yes, when the employee is remote and an in-person meeting is not practical, but the rules stay the same: a private call, video where possible, a witness from HR or leadership on the line, the decision stated in the first sentence, and the paperwork emailed immediately afterward. Do not terminate by text, by email alone, or in a group call, and do not leave the decision on a voicemail.

How do you fire someone legally in the US?

How to fire someone legally starts with the default rule: in every US state except Montana, employment is presumed at-will, meaning an employer can end it for any reason that is not illegal, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures. Illegal reasons include discrimination based on a protected characteristic and retaliation for protected activity, per the EEOC. Keep a dated record, follow your own policies, check state rules on final pay, and consult an employment lawyer before the meeting. This is not legal advice.

How long should a termination meeting take?

A termination meeting should take about two minutes for the decision, the reason and the closing of the discussion, plus a few minutes on the practical side: final pay, benefits and equipment. Meetings that run longer typically mean the manager is explaining, apologizing or negotiating, none of which changes the outcome and all of which extend the employee's distress. Deliver the decision, hand over the paperwork, and end the meeting.

Quick, firm, and warm: the whole page in three words

Quick, because the decision is made and the person wants it over. Firm, because a termination that sounds negotiable is a lie. Warm, because the person across the table is going to work somewhere else, and how to fire someone well is mostly deciding that they should be able to remember this day without flinching.

Most managers think warmth is the explaining. It is the opposite. Warmth is the one true sentence, the paperwork done right, and the door held open on the way out.

Which of the four leadership types keeps people too long?

One of the four leadership types in my free assessment, the Coach, has as its named blind spot avoiding necessary performance conversations, and its warning sign is the strongest people on the team updating their profiles. The other three have blind spots of their own, and one of them is the mirror image of the Coach's.

I built the assessment from ten years running companies, including the years as one of Canon's youngest CEOs. It takes a few minutes, shows you your type and your style, and names the blind spot that shaped how you handled the last person you should have let go sooner. Take the leadership assessment before the next one lands on your desk, because it will, and you already know who.